Your Name

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

Life, Decisions and Racism

Over the last few weeks I have read every single piece of information I could get my hands on regarding international adoption, transracial adoption, etc... I was so certain bringing you into our home would bring happiness and fullfillment to this entire family. But then the world begins to cave in and I am forced to confront the realities of human nature, both within the framework of our family and on a global level. We want you in our family. We have prayed about you and I can almost see you in my mind, here at home with us. But then I read articles about internationally adopted children and the damages caused by removing them from their culture to place them in a white, western family. I read that the need to adopt children from China may not be as dramatic as we all believed. I read articles of children who feel they were robbed of their heritage by well intentioned white famiies. I want you to believe as much as I do that you are part of this family. But how will I balance your need for your background and personal history with your need to believe you are one of us? How will I insure you know you are one of us? How will you know you are one of them? Will you tell me when people make prejudice comments toward you or our family? Will I be able to acknowledge the hatred that exists in this world? Will I have the strength to hold your hand thruogh the pain of loneliness when no one else understands what it is like to be an Asian in our family? Will I have the strength to let you be to yourself in those same moments? Will I always second guess myself? I know I love you. I know we love you. I am one of those people that believe you are waiting for us, that you, and you alone, are meant to be part of this family. I just wish it was a bit easier to find you.

First Agency Call

I made our first phone call to an agency today. I heard they had helped expatriate families with international adoption in the past so I wanted to gather as much information from them as possible. I didn't actually expect to speak with someone on the phone, but when they heard I was calling from overseas they immediately transferred me to a representative. I have been doing all of the research and thought process on finding you in the privacy of our home, behind my laptop monitor that it was very exciting to talk to someone about the process. It made it feel real and possible, and just that next step closer to you.

Your Sister

Ruby is just over a year old now. We are astonished with how much happiness and fun she has brought into our life. She is very social and makes friends with strangers on the metro and buses. She loves playing with other children. She has the deepest, funniest laugh and seems to always be happy. She also loves her passifier, a habit which we are only half heartedly trying to break. She loves playing with outher children, and I know by the time we find you she will be excited to give you hugs, kisses, and to share her favorite toys (currently a stuffed animal piggy).

We are so excited for the two of you to play together, laugh together and share secrets with eachother. With our career we will move often and we hope as parents to provide you and your sister with solid family traditions that will be constants in your lives. We hope you will find home to be a place of refuge, your family to be your greatest supporters, and that you will want to share your hopes and dreams with all of us. We never knew we would be able to love a baby as much as we have grown to love Ruby. She has given us the faith and experience to believe that our family can truly become eachothers dearest friends.

Your Parents

We met through a mutual friend, but long before we ever had a conversation we were told by many we would be perfect for eachother. We both studied International Relations and even Turkish (though only minimally). He was raised working on a farm and I dreamt of marrying a farmer. We both loved travelling to exotic locales, etc, etc... On February 15, 2003, a group of us drove from Washington, DC to a coastal town in Maryland, St. Michaels, to spend the Valentine's/President's Day holidays. That weekend the largest snow storm in 50 years hit the East Coast. Roads were impassable, snow drifts 7 feet high, and all services closed. Forced to stay inside, we soon realized we were having a great time with eachother. A week later we knew where things were headed. Three weeks later we knew we were in love. Two months later we were engaged on the edge of the Tidal Basin with the cherry blossoms in full bloom (right in front of the Jefferson Memorial). Six months later we were married in the Salt Lake City LDS Temple.

We adore eachother, depend on eachother, respect eachother and spend all the time we can with eachother. Some of our favorite times are spent in the quiet of our home, talking on the couch or reading books, anything where we are just enjoying the act of BEING together. We are the best of friends.

Day One

I have been thinking about you for a long time. But this last week you are constantly in my thoughts and my heart. I wonder where you are, what circumstances you will be in, and how long it will be until I find you. Please know I am looking for you and hope to bring you home soon.