Life, Decisions and Racism

Over the last few weeks I have read every single piece of information I could get my hands on regarding international adoption, transracial adoption, etc... I was so certain bringing you into our home would bring happiness and fullfillment to this entire family. But then the world begins to cave in and I am forced to confront the realities of human nature, both within the framework of our family and on a global level. We want you in our family. We have prayed about you and I can almost see you in my mind, here at home with us. But then I read articles about internationally adopted children and the damages caused by removing them from their culture to place them in a white, western family. I read that the need to adopt children from China may not be as dramatic as we all believed. I read articles of children who feel they were robbed of their heritage by well intentioned white famiies. I want you to believe as much as I do that you are part of this family. But how will I balance your need for your background and personal history with your need to believe you are one of us? How will I insure you know you are one of us? How will you know you are one of them? Will you tell me when people make prejudice comments toward you or our family? Will I be able to acknowledge the hatred that exists in this world? Will I have the strength to hold your hand thruogh the pain of loneliness when no one else understands what it is like to be an Asian in our family? Will I have the strength to let you be to yourself in those same moments? Will I always second guess myself? I know I love you. I know we love you. I am one of those people that believe you are waiting for us, that you, and you alone, are meant to be part of this family. I just wish it was a bit easier to find you.